“Goodbye..”
I said then. My eyes were too warm for holding down the tears. I don’t want him to see me like this. So I put a smile on my face.
“I’ll be okay. I’ll be fine.”
I lied again and again. I just make sure that everything will be fine after letting him go. He was tired of keep holding me on. And I was too tired of asking him for not letting go. But he did. So here I am, stand tall beside
“I’m sorry. I’ll promise you we’re still friends. I’ll pick you up wherever you go, I’ll call you up in midnight like yesterday, my name will always show on your notification post like usual, and remember I’ll never go anywhere. We’re just… can’t… be…”
“We can’t be always together, right?”
“Forgive me. For always breaking your heart.”
I took a deep breath. My chest is tight. I was too strong, and sometimes too weak. I was staring at him. His shady eyes make me fall in love all over again.
It reminds me of our first met. We were strangers at that time. It’s so unbelievable we can be so that close. I learned everything from him. Wheater it’s visible or not, countable or uncountable, spoken or unspoken, heard or unheard, and implied or not.
“It’s okay, you can go. I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Don’t miss me anyway?”
“No, I’m not. You’ll always come back, right?”
“Of course. But I’ll always miss you when I’m gone.”
…..
…..
“Go check out my timeline.”
“What’s for?”
“Check and you’ll see it.”
He made a post for me. As a reminder that I still have God and I don’t have to feel sad. I smiled.
“Done. Why so sad??!?”
“Nah. You don’t have to. Cheer up! Everything will be okay.”
…..
Our conversation was my favorite refrain, like Brian McKnight songs that always stuck on my mind, it never leave.
“It’s not your fault. It’s us.”
No. It’s not your fault. It’s me. For letting you come in. For letting you make me happy then make me sad. For letting you give a lot of joy and sorrow.
I was too happy at that time.
Until I forgot,
You can go whenever you want.
And now is the time.
It’s getting cold when he smiled.
He’s not saying anything.
But I know, this is the end of our conversation.
Of our farewell.
I know you won’t regret your decision, nor me. Hopes you’re happy, by then. I’m gonna leave you too. Let the memories behind, buried by the time as we walked in a different way. Our story, even our sin, will always remind me that words are just words. Promises are just promises. Dreams are just dreams. When love doesn’t belong with it, it’s all may be gone.
How hard I try to make your stay, the fact you try so much hard to go. How hard I try to believe you will come back, the fact you broke it like we even don’t know each other.
Goodbye.
My very last word to you. I let you go with all of my deepest feelings. I let you go with all the memories that I made with you. I know, I’m not your happiness.
So, be happy as always.
You deserve so much better than a girl who always cries and having a mood swing like me.
Then I turn around.
And we let each other go…
There’s not good in every goodbye
